


Denials

by missjo



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:27:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1398061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missjo/pseuds/missjo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of Curiosities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denials

“Oh God!” Jimmy cried out as Thomas tilted his hips up and rammed into him in the same motion. He immediately clapped his hand over his mouth and groaned desperately into his palm. “ _Thomas_ …”

Thomas leaned against him to press a kiss to the back of his neck. Jimmy could feel the hair on his chest against his back. It made his cock throb with want and his stomach churn with sick 

“Nng,” he grunted and gripped the rickety headboard with his free hand to hold himself upright. “Yes -- God -- Thomas -- yesrightthere oh  _god_  --”

Thomas slid his hands down Jimmy’s quivering torso and gripped his hips before thrusting quick and shallow inside him. The sound of skin meeting skin echoed in the small room.

Jimmy gasped and rolled his hips forward, trying to find friction for his leaking cock. He was so close it ached everywhere. The feel of Thomas’s hands on him was just on the other side of too much but he wasn’t touching where Jimmy so desperately needed to be touched.

“Thomas --” he moaned. “Thomas -- please -- I need you to --”

Thomas moaned into his ear and slid one hand down to take Jimmy in his fist. The sounds Thomas was making made him feel ill but the friction of his hand distracted him.

Thomas was stroking him hard and fast in time with his thrusts. Jimmy had to grapple for purchase as pleasure shook through his body. He could no longer hear the filth Thomas was whispering into his ear, only the roaring sound of blood in his veins.

“Yes, Thomas -- Oh God, Thomas -- yeslikethat -- oh  _please_  -- I can’t --” Jimmy sobbed and then he was spurting around Thomas’s hand and onto the mattress beneath him with a low moan.

A few more quick thrusts and Thomas was releasing inside of him. He groaned low and dirty in Jimmy’s ear. Jimmy felt himself shiver at the sound.

“Christ, Jimmy, I love you,” Thomas breathed into his ear as he relaxed against him.

Jimmy took slow, even breaths to try and calm himself down. “Yer heavy,” he mumbled into the pillow.

With a despondent sigh Thomas slid out of him and rolled onto his side to fit on the cot beside him. Jimmy whimpered at the absence of him and bit the inside of his cheek to stop the thoughts on why.

They lay that way in silence for a few minutes with Thomas’s arm awkwardly around Jimmy and Jimmy distantly staring at the wall. He could feel Thomas’s release inside of him and coating the insides of his thighs. The sensation made his stomach churn with nausea.

It had been over a month since Jimmy had given in and gone to Thomas’s room. Since then Thomas truly had shown him what was what -- introducing him to sins and pleasures he had never allowed himself to think on. They made him feel dirty. Filthy.

“Jimmy --”

Feeling as if he might actually be sick, Jimmy rolled over and sat on the edge of the cot. He didn’t want to hear whatever sweet endearments Thomas wanted to bestow. They made him feel dirtier than all the rest.

“Jimmy, won’t you lay with me? Just a little longer,” Thomas asked with such soft fondness in his voice it made Jimmy want to scream and throw things.

He shook his head. “I have to piss,” he grunted and stood, pulling back on his pajamas and grabbing his pack of cigarettes from Thomas’s dresser.

“Oh.”

Jimmy was determined not to the hear the disappointment and hurt in Thomas’s voice. He placed a cigarette between his lips but didn’t light it.

“Good night, Mr. Barrow,” he said stiffly and left the room without ceremony.

Jimmy barely made it to the lavatory before his stomach upset all the contents of that night’s supper.  He continued to heave after there was nothing left until finally his stomach settled down enough to allow him to return to his room. When he laid down on his own cot he was a shaky, clammy mess.

He had to put an end to it. He couldn’t go on like this for much longer, he told himself as he drifted off into a restless sleep.

* * *

The next morning Jimmy awoke resolved to it. This thing with Thomas was going to end today. He got dressed with the grim concentration of a man going to war. 

He didn’t meet Thomas’s eyes or address him when he made it down for the servant’s breakfast. Instead he fixed his attention on Daisy and asked about her trip to Mr. Mason’s farm that afternoon.

Daisy glanced between Thomas and Jimmy and finally fixed a confused look on him. “I am looking forward to to it, yes, Jimmy,” she told him cautiously. “Thanks for askin’.”

Jimmy worked so hard to keep her engaged in conversation about farming and fresh air that by the end of the meal he was completely exhausted. He had never thought he’d find relief in getting on with his work.

Thomas stood to block his path as he moved away from the table.

“Fancy a smoke, Jimmy?” Thomas asked, his tone carefully walking the line between formal and friendly. Jimmy found himself intoxicated by the scent of his pomade and had to struggle to keep his resolve.

“Er. Not just now, Mr. Barrow,” he told him and straightened his shoulders. “I’ve got some work that needs doin’. Excuse me.

He gave Thomas a wan smile and maneuvered around him to get to the boot room. Thomas’s confused expression followed him.

Jimmy had never worked so hard in his life. He completed every task Carson had laid out for him as well as took on some for the other staff. By the time the servants dinner was served even the old codger had to begrudgingly commend him on his fervor.

“I admit, I didn’t think you had it in you, James, but I am very impressed with the work you’ve done today. You’re finally acting like a first footman,” Carson intoned sanctimoniously.

Jimmy shuffled on his sore feet and nodded, mumbling his gratitude.

After dinner, where he had been stuck in a conversation with Molesley of all people on the subject of card tricks and the older man’s continuing stroke of bad luck, Jimmy was fiending for a cigarette. He had been avoiding it all day for fear of running into Thomas but now he had to take the chance, if only to calm his nerves.

Jimmy snuck out while Thomas was stuck in a rather serious looking discussion with Carson. It felt strange, smoking by himself in the courtyard without the familiar warmth of Thomas standing beside him. The cigarette burned down much quicker without conversation, he found, and was grateful for that when he heard Thomas enter the courtyard.

“ _There_  you are,” Thomas was saying as he took long strides across the courtyard to stand beside him. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.”

Jimmy bristled, knocking the ash from his cigarette. “Carson’s kept me busy,” he explained blandly and stubbed it out beneath his boot. “Speaking of, I should be gettin’ back. I have one thing left to do before turning in.”

Thomas gripped his arm to stop him. “Surely you have a moment,” he stated, searching Jimmy’s face.

He did his best to keep his expression neutral as he shook out of Thomas’s branding touch. “I’m afraid not. Your room in half an hour?” he replied stiffly.

Thomas sighed and continued to give him that searching look. “Half an hour.”

Jimmy nodded and hurried back into the servant’s hall. He tried to ignore the tingling he felt where Thomas had touched him by diving headfirst into the menial tasks he had lined up for himself.

The clock ticked down and soon Jimmy found himself standing outside Thomas’s door still in his livery. His head was racing and his palms were sweaty. It reminded him so much of when he had stood outside this very same door after the Thirsk Fair so long ago.

He took a deep breath and opened the door without knocking. Thomas was waiting for him on the other side in his pajamas. Within seconds he had Jimmy pinned against the back of the door. The warm firmness of his body and the heady smell of him made Jimmy’s knees buckle. Thomas’s mouth was on his and it was all so intoxicating that for a moment he forgot to push the other man off of him.

“Wha-- Jimmy, you’re still in your livery,” Thomas said breathlessly as he looked him up and down.

His studious gaze made every bit of Jimmy that Thomas had touched tingle. Jimmy gritted his teeth against the temptation.

“I am.”

“That’s awfully reckless of you--”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Jimmy said in a rush and lifted his chin to show he was serious. “Do you understand?”

Thomas looked at him in disbelief. “Jimmy…” He stepped forward and reached out his hands to touch him.

“Don’t touch me,” Jimmy spit out, feeling a scowl twisting his face into something ugly and cruel. “I don’t want your filthy hands on me anymore. Never again. Do you understand me?”

Thomas shook his head and moved recklessly to touch him again. “But, Jimmy, I--”

“I said no,” Jimmy pushed Thomas away from him with force. “I don’t want your nasty lavender hands anywhere near me. I’m not foul like you. I won’t let myself be tempted.”

Thomas looked as if he’d been slapped. “No, Jimmy, please--”

“You disgust me. You make me disgusted in myself. You’re foul, Mr. Barrow. Sick, twisted, and foul. I’ll have no part in it.”

He could see the tears in Thomas’s eyes and hated himself for them. He hated himself for his weakness.

“If you touch me again I’ll tell Mr. Carson. I swear it.”

Thomas’s entire face crumpled. Jimmy swallowed around the lump in his throat and turned from him, closing the door behind him firmly. He stood in the hallway just long enough to hear Thomas’s sobs before hurrying back to his own room.

* * *

Jimmy thought in the days that followed he would finally get a decent night’s sleep but he was wrong. Instead, he spent his nights tossing and turning from fevered dreams wrought from the nights spent in Thomas’s room. He would grit his teeth in anger as he took himself in hand until he was gasping Thomas’s name. Every time he hated himself more 

During the day all he could focus on was the icy distance between himself and Thomas.

Others downstairs had begun to look at him in concern. He had started avoiding Anna and Daisy both for the worried looks they would give him. He knew he was falling to pieces. Finally fed up with it all he decided on a solution. Or at the very least a distraction.

On his half day Jimmy decided to spend it in Thirsk where he found a crowded pub. He had been saving his pennies and was planning on getting tight if only to forget about the whole mess for awhile.

He was on his fourth pint when a girl sat down on the stool beside him. “Are you a man or a fish?” she asked, amusement making her words dance and twinkle

“Wouldn’t y’like to know,” Jimmy grumbled and looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

She was comely enough. She had long red hair that she had put back in a loose braid and shockingly blue eyes. Her skin looked pale and smooth to the touch and was dotted with freckles. Her breasts swelled promisingly form the confines of her dress - the cut of which would have given Carson a heart attack.

Jimmy straightened up and decided to slow down on the drink. “Er.”

“Look like a man to me,” she replied and gave him a very obvious once over. “What a relief. Fish are bloody awful at the foxtrot.”

“Foxtrot?” he repeated, finding it difficult to follow.

She giggled and nodded. The sound of it set Jimmy’s teeth on edge but she looked so lovely doing it that he supposed he didn’t mind too much.

“I know where you can dance the foxtrot. If you’re up for it,” she told him, her tone teasing.

Jimmy scoffed. “Course I am.” He downed the rest of his beer and dropped a few coins on the bar before grabbing her hand and leading both of them out into the night air.

She led them to another pub. All the tables and chairs had been moved around to make room for the pairs of young people dancing. Jimmy took the girl in hand and led her into the fray.

She felt soft and warm in his arms as they danced. It was nice enough.

She wasn’t like Ivy. She could hold her drink and let him press close against her without shouting about propriety. So when she pressed against him and whispered in his ear about going somewhere he didn’t see any reason not to.

“What’s your name?” he asked against her mouth after she had tugged him into an abandoned store shed.

“Anne,” she replied with another high-pitched giggle and pressed against him so he could feel the soft swell of her breasts. “What’s yours, handsome?”

“James,” he grunted and roughly maneuvered them against the wall. “Nice to meet you, Anne.”

Anne giggled at that and spread her legs so he could slide between them. She ran a hand down his front and began opening his trousers. Jimmy kept kissing her, willing himself to get hard.

He gasped when her cool hand touched his prick and rolled his hips into the touch. “Hn.” He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of her smooth, soft hand stroking him but all he could feel was the softness of her breasts. It was distracting.

“Aren’t you a big boy?” she breathed into his ear. He groaned as he felt himself going soft. This was not the way it was supposed to go.

“Stop talking,” Jimmy grunted, his mind flashing back to the first time he had kissed Thomas. The thought stirred his cock to attention.

She shrugged and continued stroking him. Jimmy braced himself with his arms and lifted his chest away from the confusing softness of her breasts. He was a man and this was going to happen, he told himself and bit his lip in concentration; he was going to get off in a store shed with a pretty girl like other men did.

Anne sighed in frustration and removed her hand from his still only half hard cock. “Perhaps…”

“Your mouth,” Jimmy gasped out as a last resort.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “If you want your spunk in my mouth y’payin’ me for it,” she told him bluntly.

Jimmy pulled away from her and braced himself against the wall. “Fine, fine. Just get on with it.”

She knelt down in front of him and removed his cock from his trousers without ceremony. He bit back a moan when she took him in his mouth and ran his fingers encouragingly through her hair as she started a rhythm. He moaned and rolled his hips under the ministrations of her mouth and tried not to picture another wrapped around his cock.

His mind kept betraying him, giving him flashes of too red lips wrapped around him and sharp cheekbones as those alabaster cheeks hollowed around him. It was the sound of Thomas breathlessly whispering his name that finally made him come in spurts.

“At least warn a girl,” Anne was grumbling as she sat back and wiped his spunk from her mouth with disgust. He glared at her as the sick feeling returned to his stomach. Even he could not convince himself that it had been her mouth that had gotten him off. Not when Thomas’s voice was still echoing in his head.

She reached out a hand for money. He tugged his trousers up and dug for the remaining change in his pocket to hand to her. Anne took one look at it and left with a shrug. When the door closed behind her all that was left in the small space was Jimmy and his shame.

* * *

Jimmy tried it a few more times with different girls. They all ended in a similar fashion. The absence of Thomas’s attention still haunted his days and the memories of them together still haunted his nights. The inevitable conclusion was making Jimmy even more sullen than he had been before. He knew it was making him look significantly worse for wear. 

Dark circles bloomed under his eyes and he was beginning to get what he feared were permanent creases at the corners of his mouth from his scowling. Carson had reprimanded him more than once on his self presentation. Jimmy felt no need to fix any of it, however; he found it fitting that he look as wretched outside as he felt inside.

Without Thomas to talk and laugh with Jimmy found Downton quite lonely. The only other person who had been near Jimmy’s friend was Alfred but he had left long ago and Molesley didn’t make a good substitute. He doubted he would have been able to talk to Alfred about his troubles anyway. The only person he truly felt he could talk to was Thomas but he had destroyed all chances of that.

So Jimmy found himself sitting alone at the table after dinner with nothing but his own self pity for company. He watched as Thomas talked to Daisy in hushed tones by the window and tapped his deck of cards on the table in rapid rhythm. He wanted a smoke but cigarettes only made things worse these days.

“Jimmy, I’ve held off asking but I don’t think I can anymore. Are you alright?”

Jimmy snapped out of his reverie and turned to look at Anna as she sat down beside him. Sweet, kind Anna. The look of concern on her face made a lump form in his throat.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he replied stiffly and kept his eyes focused on his deck of cards.

Anna gave him one of her knowing looks. The kindness he found in her eyes made him wish he could hate her.

“It’s none o’ your business anyway,” he spit out and clenched his jaw.

“No, it’s not, but if you need to talk I’ve been told I’m a very good listener.” She leaned into his line of sight so that he could see the small, caring smile on her face.

Jimmy shrugged, not trusting himself to speak, and glanced back over at Thomas.

“Is this about Thomas?” she pushed gently. “Have you two had a falling out? I haven’t seen the two of you together much of late.”

Jimmy suddenly wanted to cry. “Of a sort.”

“Can it be mended? You two seemed thick as thieves. It was nice seeing Thomas have a friend, though don’t tell him I said so.”

He shook his head. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Is it something Thomas has done?”

He shook his head again.

“Well then, I’ve found apologies go a long way. If you’re at fault, swallow your pride and say you’re sorry. You’ll feel better in the end.”

He shook his head a third time. “No. I don’t think so. It’s not so simple as all that. I’ve made a terrible mistake, I think, and I’ve no right to ask for his forgiveness.”

“I have a feeling he’d forgive you no matter what you’ve done,” Anna told him firmly. “I’ve never seen Thomas care for anything or anyone as much as he cares for you, and that’s the truth of it.”

Jimmy felt guilt twist like a hot knife in his belly.

“Well, I’d best be getting on,” she said as Mr. Bates entered the room. “Have a good night, Jimmy.”

She chanced squeezing his shoulder gently and stood to follow her husband out of the room. Jimmy remained frozen at the table until he was able to compose himself.

With his dignity somewhat regained Jimmy squared his shoulders and walked over to Thomas just as Daisy was leaving. Thomas had just lit a cigarette. The familiarity of the smell made something quake in Jimmy’s core. It brought back flashes of the roughness of Thomas’s stubble running along his sweaty, flushed skin and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from blushing and going rock hard in his trousers.

“Have a light?” he asked, sounding far more steady than he felt. He took a cigarette from his own pack and placed it between his lips.

Thomas studied him with a cool expression and exhaled a plume of smoke. His red mouth twisted up into a cruel smirk as he walked by Jimmy without a word, leaving him with only a ghost of smoke and the smell of his pomade.

Jimmy’s knees weakened. He braced himself on the window sill to keep from collapsing under the weight of Thomas’s coolness towards him. He took a steadying breath. He was truly alone with no one to blame for it but himself.

He threw the unsmoked cigarette on the ground and snapped at an unsuspecting hall boy on the way up to his room.

* * *

Jimmy’s dreams got more violent as the days dragged on. He woke with memories of Thomas taking him hard and fast, growling insults into his ear, raking his nails down Jimmy’s torso hard enough to leave welts in their wake, until Jimmy was gasping and crying beneath him. He would wake and take himself in hand, gritting his teeth as he pumped himself raw.

After the third night in a row of this Jimmy could hardly stay awake throughout the day. It was his exhaustion that finally made up his mind for him. He had to give into the madness. He had to make Thomas forgive him no matter what the cost. He could not keep living like this.

Jimmy excused himself early after dinner that night and waited until the light appeared under Thomas’s door. He had already changed into his nightclothes during the waiting and hurried across the hall.

He was too afraid of the rejection that might come at his knock so he barreled in instead to find Thomas only half dressed. Thomas yelped and attempted to cover himself while Jimmy gaped at him, his mouth going dry at the sight before him.

“What do you want?” Thomas hissed as Jimmy closed the door behind him.

Jimmy bristled but held himself in check. “I wanted to apologize. For those things I said,” he told him stiffly.

For a hopeful moment it looked as if Thomas might laugh but then the icy look returned.

“Get out.”

“Thomas--”

“ _Mr. Barrow_. I told you to get out,” Thomas almost growled and took a step towards him.

“ _Thomas_ ,” Jimmy insisted, his voice cracking with desperation. “Please, if I could just--”

Thomas continued to glare at him, impassive. “There is nothing you could ever say to excuse what you did.”

Jimmy shook his head, blinking back hot tears. “I know. I don’t--” he gulped for air “-- I don’t look to excuse it. I don’t. It were awful of me to say what I said.”

“I suppose you’re goin’ to tell me you didn’t mean it then?” Thomas asked with that cruel smirk twisting his features into something alien. It unsettled Jimmy for Thomas to be so heartless with him.

“No. I did. I did mean it.” He held up his hand as he watched Thomas’s face grow stormy. “No, hear me, please. I meant them for myself. I… I hated myself. I hated myself for the way I let you touch me. For the way I felt about… about you. For liking it all so very much. I hated myself, not you, and I know it doesn’t excuse any of it, not a bit, but I should never have taken all of my self hatred and doubt out on you,” he rambled, his voice quivering with remorse. “You don’t deserve it. All you’ve ever done is love me. And I--”

He ran out of steam and words then. He lowered his head in submission.

Thomas had remained silent while Jimmy spoke but he snorted when his rambling ended. “You’re a coward, James.” The sound of his Christian name hurt more than any slap or punch could. It hit him right in his chest. “I don’t have time for cowards. Get out of my room before I throw you out and make a scene that will no doubt get us both fired.”

Jimmy glanced up at him beseechingly. There was only one thing left to do. “I think I love you, Thomas.”

The room became very silent and still. Thomas stared at him in shock and disbelief.

“No, I-- I don’t think it, I know it. I love you. You’ve filled my brain constantly since that night. Even when I-- Even when I tried so desperately to forget. Please, Thomas, I  _love you_.”

Thomas continued to stare at him. The oppressive silence made Jimmy uneasy but he wasn’t being thrown out, not yet, and that was something more than he’d had a moment ago.

“Thomas?” he half-whispered and chanced a step towards him. It brought them close enough that all Jimmy had to do was reach out a hand to touch him. He didn’t dare. “Please, Thomas.”

Jimmy could see that Thomas was trembling, now. Unable to control himself he took another step forward and gripped Thomas’s broad shoulders. He pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead.

“How dare you?” Thomas hissed and pressed his hands against Jimmy’s chest in a half-hearted attempt to push him away. “How dare you? I hate you, I do. I’ve never hated anyone as I hate you.”

Tears finally fell from Jimmy’s eyes and he did nothing to stop them. He was about to plead again when Thomas’s mouth pressed against his in a rough, brutal kiss that was more teeth than lips. Thomas’s hands gripped at his undershirt and tugged him hard until their bodies bumped against one another.

Jimmy was just about to kiss back when Thomas pulled away from him and shoved him onto the rickety cot. He straddled Jimmy’s hips and pushed him back onto the mattress with such force that it actually hurt. He grunted into his mouth as Thomas kissed him again, his lithe fingers running up along his skin under his undershirt.

Blunt fingernails scratched his skin. Jimmy whimpered and rolled his hips up against Thomas’s. He brought his hands around his broad back and dragged them down his spine to press their hips more firmly together. The scent and the feel of Thomas all around him was overwhelming, intoxicating, after going so long without either.

“Thomas,” Jimmy breathed out between biting kisses. “Thomas, please…”

Thomas shook his head and clamped one hand firmly over Jimmy’s mouth. He used his other to pin his wrists above his head with an angry growl. He scraped his teeth recklessly along the curve of Jimmy’s neck. Jimmy bit back a moan and slowly nodded his head, giving himself over to whatever Thomas needed from him.

As they rutted together Jimmy could feel Thomas’s hard cock through the thin fabric of his pajamas. It made him whimper with want each time he felt it slide against his own. The friction was so good, so right, so much better than anything he had managed with those silly girls.

“A- _Ah_!” Jimmy sputtered when Thomas removed his hand from Jimmy’s mouth and slipped it beneath his pants. He took his cock in his broad, wide fingered hands and tugged on it roughly in quick, steady strokes.

“D’you like that?” Thomas whispered maliciously in his ear. “Do you like when I touch your cock? When I stroke you off like this?”

Jimmy nodded and bit down hard on his lower lip to keep back a keening cry. He tasted copper on his tongue and moaned softly. Thomas’s hand stopped moving. “Yes.  _Yes_ , I do,” he told him between shaky breaths, blood rushing to his face. “I love your hand on my cock.”

“Of course you do, you little lavender slut,” Thomas spit out and resumed his harsh pace. Jimmy arched his back and rolled his hips up in time with Thomas’s movements. He struggled desperately against the hold on his wrists and curled his hands into fists, fingernails cutting into the skin as he rushed closer to his release.

“Oh, Thomas, please, Thomas,” he babbled helplessly. “Dreamed of this --  _oh_  -- dreamed -- can I touch you? Please let me touch you--”

The angry tenseness to Thomas’s body seemed to weaken. He slowed to a gentler rhythm and ducked his head into the curve of Jimmy’s neck with a broken sigh as he released his hold on his wrists. Jimmy slid his hand slowly down the soft curve of his belly and beneath the fabric of his night clothes to wrap around his thick, pulsing cock. He let out a shaky sigh at the feel of it in his hand and began long, slow, luxurious strokes along its length.

“Oh, Thomas, I’ve missed the feel of you,” he moaned into Thomas’s ear.

Thomas shuddered against him and kissed his neck with a gentle lovingness that overwhelmed Jimmy. “Oh, how I love you,” Thomas murmured and lifted his head to kiss him deeply. “Never again, Jimmy, I couldn’t bear it. Please.”

Jimmy returned his kiss with a slow, languid one of his own. He relished in the familiar warmth and taste of him before he pulled back to press kisses along the corner his mouth and the jut of his cheekbone. “Never. I promise. Never again.”

Thomas pulled back to remove Jimmy’s shirt. Jimmy took the moment to properly take in the hairy expanse of the man in front of him before pulling him back down against him so that their naked chests were pressed together. He had to swallow down the initial disgust and instead made himself focus on the way lustful heat flooded his cock at the sensation. He whimpered softly and ran his hands down Thomas’s back and around his sides to rest on the soft comfort of his belly.

He could feel Thomas sucking in beneath his touch and shook his head. “Don’t do that now. Let me feel all of you, Thomas, I want all of you,” he breathed against his lips and pressed a chaste kiss against them. “ _All_ of you.”

He guided Thomas’s hand behind his cock and pressed his fingers against his opening with a tiny sigh. Thomas’s breath hitched and then he was kissing the breath out of Jimmy. He nipped hungrily at his lips once, twice, before pulling back to find the jar he kept near his bedside.

Jimmy kicked off his pajama pants and lay back on the bed to watch as Thomas did the same. For the first time Jimmy took his time looking at the naked man in front of him.

Thomas was broad shouldered with a thick thatch of hair covering the pale skin of his chest and fading down along the soft curve of his belly to his navel. He was not fat, not remotely so, but there was a softness to him that Jimmy found comforting. He licked his lips and took a deep, steadying breath as he forced himself to study Thomas’s cock. It was thick and heavy, jutting up against his stomach with arousal. Jimmy could see a bead of liquid at the tip. It made his stomach lurch with fear and desire -- but not disgust -- and his mouth went dry from wanting.

He held out his arms to beckon Thomas back to him. Thomas came willingly. “What were you lookin’ at?”

Jimmy grinned, feeling himself for the first time in so many weeks. “You. You’re bloody gorgeous, did y’know?”

Thomas rolled his eyes and ran a hand down his side to rest on his hip. “Piss off with y’teasing,” he grumped and kissed his adam’s apple lovingly.

“Not teasin’,” Jimmy retorted and gripped his firm arse with one hand. “But you bloody well are. Get on with it, would ya?”

Jimmy let out a shaky gasp as Thomas pressed open mouthed kisses down the center of his chest. The slowness of his movements made Jimmy whimper and roll his hips desperately. Thomas chuckled at that and ran a fingertip teasingly along his cock.

Jimmy pressed his hips up insistently, feeling their cocks slide against each other, and moaned wantonly. His body was quivering from head to toe and he could feel his pulse throbbing between his legs as Thomas cupped his hand around his bollocks.

“Thomas…” he whimpered through dry lips. “Thomas please…”

Finally Thomas took mercy on him and pressed one well-slicked finger inside of him. It felt like clouds parting and angels singing when a second followed behind the first to stretch him further. Jimmy whimpered and clutched at Thomas desperately.

Thomas stroked him a few times before he removed his fingers and pressed Jimmy’s knees up against his chest. He leaned forward to capture Jimmy’s mouth in a bruising kiss and then slowly, carefully thrust his way inside of him.

Jimmy gasped at the initial discomfort and dug his nails into Thomas’s back until he heard the man whimper in pain above him. He fought back the nausea threatening to rise in his throat and leaned up to kiss Thomas as if his life depended. They kissed until the throbbing ache began to fade and he could focus on the wonder of how full and complete he felt with Thomas there inside of him.

“I can feel your heartbeat,” Jimmy gasped against Thomas’s mouth. He moaned against Jimmy’s in response and began to roll his hips down against his. “O- _oh_ \-- Christ, that’s amazing--”

He placed a sloppy kiss at the edge of Thomas’s mouth. Then he kissed along his jaw and down the curve of his neck, tasting every bit of him his mouth could reach. He slowly began to return Thomas’s shallow thrusts, pulling him in deeper.

“More-- need more of you, Thomas--” he groaned into Thomas’s shoulder. When he complied Jimmy bit down hard enough to bruise. “Oh-- _ohgod_ \--” he choked out and dropped his head back onto the pillow beneath him.

Jimmy watched Thomas through half-lidded eyes. He was looking down at him with eyes darkened with lust, a beautiful flush high on his cheekbones, and a look of concentration fixed on his features as he continued to move inside of Jimmy with measured thrusts.

“Oh, Jimmy,” Thomas gasped when he saw something, Jimmy wasn’t sure what, written on his face. He leaned in to kiss him. Jimmy kissed him back and wondered how he could have ever found this so repulsive when it was so perfect.

Thomas’s cock brushed against the sweet spot inside him and swallowed his cry with another kiss. Jimmy whimpered into it with each thrust. His body was coming undone from every shock of pleasure that rocked through him.

“I can’t--” he gasped and ran a hand down his own chest to his neglected cock. It was already slick with pre-come when he wrapped his hand around it and began to move his hand in time with each thrust.

Thomas batted his hand away and wrapped his beautiful, experienced fingers around him. He stifled another of Jimmy’s desperate, broken cries with his mouth and sent them both into a dizzying rhythm as he quickened his thrusts and twisted his hand deftly around Jimmy’s swollen cock.

Jimmy desperately needed to come but he never wanted this pleasure to end. He clung onto Thomas and sucked on his lower lip as liquid pleasure pooled in his belly.

“Hnng-- Thomas-- I--” Jimmy tried to articulate and then lost all ability to speak as his body tightened like a spring around him. He came hard, spurting his seed between them with a low, satisfied groan.

Thomas followed a few thrusts behind him, stifling his cry in the curve of his neck. Their hips snapped together once, twice more and then they were still but for their quivering, spent bodies and the slow, languid kisses they shared.

“Oh, Thomas…” he whispered into his mouth as the buzzing in his ears began to fade away. “How could I ever-- I’m so sorry-- that was--”

Thomas slid out of him carefully. Jimmy was surprised at how he mourned the loss of him. Thomas heard his soft whimper and smiled, kissing the corner of his mouth sweetly.

“I know, my love, I’ve got you,” he murmured into his ear. He shifted most of his weight onto the tiny mattress and wrapped his strong arms around Jimmy. “I’ve got you.”

Jimmy sighed and curled against him, finding comfort in his warmth and strength. He closed his eyes and felt, for the first time since this had begun, as if everything was going to well and truly be alright.


End file.
